Being a therapist was not a choice

Being a therapist was not a choice in the way some think of choice. It chose me.

I could have gone a lot of routes but that’s a different story and a different post. Btw, I am happy I’m licensed even though I have very little interest in typical goals and treatment plans. I also hated school. It was boring-a means to an end.

What makes me good at what I do?

I grew up with two parents who only cared about themselves but that isn’t the only reason I am the way I am.

It’s my ability to trial and error lifes terrain and live to tell the tale.

I’ve been a drug addict. A liar. I’ve cheated, and been cheated on. I’ve fcked alot of men starting at 13; and am only learning now what it means to have pleasure. I’ve been paid for sex. I’ve stolen money. I’ve blown a shit ton of money on things I thought would be the answer to all my problems but only kept me empty. I’ve had affairs with married men and liked it. I’ve been manipulative and I’ve traded my humanity for what I thought I needed to survive. I’ve wanted to die. I’ve dealt with eating disorders and body image issues, and still working on being totally comfortable in my body. I’ve had to recover from years of self abuse. I was more relieved when my father died than not. I’ve pushed love away, and am now learning to receive it. I’ve been hurt, and I’ve been the cause of lot of chaos and hurt.

I was a trust fund kid who was told I would never have to work, and then one day all the money was gone and I had to teach myself how to live in the world. But only because I had to, not because I wanted to although I can see the gift in it.

These are the elements that make me good at what I do. It’s not my degree.

I’ve had to learn how to use my mind and energy rather than be dominated by it with the guidance of great mentors. Although I’m a tough student and hard to train. I’ve had to go my own path, but I’m now wise AF.

I’m devoted to truth, alchemy and living a full life.

Pain has been my teacher because I’ve learned how to open to it, instead of shutting down.

Life can actually be beautiful even if it’s messy. Actually it should be messy. It’s called living.